


Airport Terminals and the Bad Type of Terminal

by Peekaboomikayuu



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Asexual Armin Arlert, Introspection, M/M, Prostitution, Recreational Drug Use, Religious Imagery & Symbolism, Self-Discovery, Smut, Travel, because how can you have self discovery without smut, gap year, how ironic, idk they're on a gap year type thing so its pretty wild tbh, if you're easily triggered please read chapter warnings too, mostly tagging as I go so I don't give everything away bcos wow lots of plot twists, not any of the main characters tho, so much angsty angst, supportive friends, tour guide levi is still not sociable
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-21
Updated: 2016-11-01
Packaged: 2018-07-25 20:43:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7546821
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Peekaboomikayuu/pseuds/Peekaboomikayuu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If Eren's only got one year left, he's going to do it right. He's going to spend it with his friends, travelling the world, experiencing more than most people ever will in their whole lives. When people talk about him, he wont be the pity case with a tragic death who never got around to doing anything he wanted to do. He'll be the inspirational story of a boy who didn't know the meaning of weakness. He doesn't have a bucket list, he has a multi-destination ticket for a gap year in which he'll roam the globe doing whatever makes him happy, and whatever makes him feel alive. </p><p>Eren Jaeger is going to ignite his soul and feel the sparks of vitality at his finger tips, and then, when he's soaring above the azure sky, buzzing with the frenetic energy of seeing and feeling and hearing and tasting and just //being//; he'll do what all terminally ill people do, he'll die.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings for this chap: Implied character death. 
> 
> (Sorry??)

 A room that is sterile and white cannot be painted with hope and optimism, Eren had learned this at a young age. The room is blank for a reason; so that you cannot see the pain of each person who has passed through, smeared along the walls in congealed blood and mournful tears. It is a limbo- an in between from a normal life in to the reality of an early death. Above the door, stamped in peeling, pale red print is ‘Children’s Terminal Illness Ward’. The sign is as clinical as the pristine grey floors or the cylindrical blue lights casting a washed out fluorescence across the dreary space.

Each rosy hued, bright smiled nurse who bustles through on their way to a promising future wilts as they pass by, white teeth disappearing in to barely concealed frowns as they shoot cloying glances soaked in pity. The walls are and will always be white because white connotes heaven, and all anyone wants to do is give these desperately sad little children heaven on Earth before they get whisked away to the one beyond the stars.

“Jaeger? Eren Jaeger”

Eren slips one clammy hand in to his Mama’s and the other in to his Papa’s own damp palm. They cling back so tightly he’s almost sure they’re scared one day he’ll just blip out of existence. That would surely be far better than their other option, to be helpless spectators as he withers away on a hospital bed with a Gameboy and a pack of wax crayons to fill up the precious remnants of his waning time. Each day will sink his face more, dim the promises in his eyes, hollow out his features until he looks so much like a skeleton they may as well give up and bury him.

“Ah, there he is, my spitfire, Eren! Come on in buddy.” Eren manages a forced half smile as the doctor drowns him in the familiar sugary tone of someone detached from the work they do. A miniature chair plastered in cartoon stickers is offered to him which he hesitantly sits on. Babying him will make it considerably harder for them to accept he is dying in the end. He seems more aware of this than they are.

“Now, I’ll allow Eren to be present for the first part of what I’d like to tell you, but it would be preferable if he could go to the play area and have some fun whilst we go over some more grown up matters.”

Both of his parents nod solemnly. Mama stifles a sob.

“Good. So, great news, Eren’s condition had stopped progressing rapidly. It has stabilised and seems to be a lot less aggressive than we previously concluded. The chances of him passing away during childhood are extremely minimal.”

Papa reaches down and tugs Eren on to his lap. The feeling of warm breath exhaled in his hair is a common one. It signifies relief.

“He will have to continue with his medication of course, and if his symptoms increase in commodity or severity make sure to schedule an appointment immediately. Eventually this will be inevitable but for th-”

The doctor freezes mid-sentence and sends Eren a pained look.

“Can we have a moment buddy? Perhaps you could go and cheer up the other children in the play area? You _are_ a cheerful boy aren’t you?”

Eren didn’t particularly consider himself to be a cheerful boy but he guessed a couple of beanbags, some chewed up stationary and a rickety indoor slide would be more fun than listening to this condescending old man drone on any longer.

“Yes sir. I’ll see you soon Papa, don’t let Mama cry again!”

Carla Jaeger mock gasped, winking at him as he toddled towards the door.

“Mama doesn’t cry baby, she has sensitive eyes.”

Eren managed to muffle his giggles until he was safely out of the room. He wondered if normal kids joked about those types of things.

The ground suddenly fell from under him as someone bolted straight in to him, knocking them both flying. Moments later a pair of baleful chocolate eyes and a trembling lower lip helped him to connect the dots.

Scratch what they joked about, Eren just generally _wondered_ about normal kids.

The small boys doe like features were steadily contorting in to the pre-crying face, so he quickly covered their mouth and offered some reassurance.

“Marco it’s okay, it’s me, Eren!”

Marco’s expression shifted to naïve delight. Eren was simultaneously glad to see him and wishing he would never have to see him in this place again.

“What are you doing here freckles? I thought you were done with your treatment?”

Marco’s eyebrows drew together and his gaze shifted to the grey tiled floor.

“Did they teach you what terminal meant Eren? It means we’re _never_ done with the treatment. But you’re right, I was supposed to be in the clear for a few months at least, just…bad things happen.”

Bad things indeed.

“Mama and Papa say that all things happen for a reason.” Eren offered as a meagre consolation.

“That’s what the lady at the church told _my_ Momma but we stopped going there. Pops said that if god that loved us, little kids like me wouldn’t get sick.”

Eren was old enough to understand the implications of something like that. His family had never believed in God, but if they had, he was sure they wouldn’t have given up so easily.

“Anyways, shall we go and look after the other kids? There’s only toddlers there right now and they keep trying to eat the felt tips!”

Sometimes Eren thought about praying, it tore him though; should he pray to live a while longer, and make it more painful for everyone when he goes, or to die soon, and finally let his loved ones be at peace?

  * \- -



Carla’s head was bowed at the other end of the building.

“So he has until his early twenties at best, if that. I’m always sorry to deliver news like this, but please make the most of the time you have together. Some children don’t even get to live to see their teenage years.”

The doctor bit his lip, still perturbed by his profession so many years on.

“For instance, Eren’s friend Marco, has only mere months.”

  * -      -



Eren grinned as he slammed down his card. Wiggling his eyebrows in victory.

“Snap!”

At his enthusiasm Marco giggled, never bitter about losing like the other children could be. It was one of Eren’s favourite things about him, because Eren was _really_ competitive and a super sore loser. The only way he could truly enjoy himself was to play with his current opponent.

“You’re too good at this game, I’ll never win!” Marco fake pouted, really just happy to see his friend so care free.

Eren beamed, soaking up the praise as always.

“Do you want to play one more round?” He questioned, eager for another taste of victory. They had already been playing for what felt like an age, but neither were bored.

 Even so, Marco shook his head.

“Nah, I really should go find my Momma. Next time for definite though.”

He stood up to leave, and Eren felt like the sun had just gone in. He grasped Marco’s sleeve and pulled him back towards their spot on the floor.

“Please! Just one more!” He whined, with glistening puppy dog eyes.

Marco, being himself, and also not immune to Eren’s simpering, relented.

“Fine, but only one. That’s your lot. She wanted me back to the ward by half nine.”

He glanced up at clock, ticking steadily past nine twenty-eight. An uneasy feeling crept over him that had no place in a boy, playing cards with his friend in the summers fading, evening light.

“I don’t think I have much time left.”


	2. Burn Bright it's a Dark Night

 The world was unfathomably huge. It perplexed Eren, not unlike a lot of other things. His daily musings were often overtaken by the single thought of how absolutely massive the universe was, and what a small, aimless boy, drifting along where ever the wind took him like a stray dandelion clock blown from its perch by the heavy breath of fate, could possibly have to do in the grand scheme of things.

What did the ‘powers that be’ consider important? If he became a leader, the President even, would that satisfy them - or were they more of the idealistic type, urging humans to do good and be good in an objective sort of way? Whatever it was, Eren thought it was pretty shitty of them to give him so little time to play his part. If this was a school production, then he was the tree, shuffled on and off stage in quick succession with no lines and no real purpose. Eren Jaeger, twenty two years old, with only one more left to go before the curtains were drawn and there was black, black, black and not much all else.

He snapped closed his poetry anthology with a determined huff. If life wasn’t giving him time to play his part then why should he bother learning it? Maybe he wouldn’t. Fuck college, fuck getting a job, (not like he would make it that far anyway) and fuck conforming to society’s rules. He shifted his gaze to the waste paper basket in the far corner of his cramped dorm room and over-armed the anthology with a wild hoot of rebellion.

 Armin walked through the door right as it missed and knocked a stale mug of coffee over to form a sticky brown puddle on his side of the room.

 “Eren, I’m pretty sure you still need that.” He offered in greeting, eyeing the worn blue booklet with furrowed brows. He was, by now, used to Eren’s erratic behaviour and tried to consider in all situations that there could be a perfectly _unreasonable_ explanation to his friend’s actions.

 For instance, the time Eren had dumped a sticky glob of jam into the middle of his garden path and claimed he was summoning ants for his newly received gift. His ant farm had sadly remained empty when his efforts proved fruitless. The poor boy had been so confused when his plan ‘fricking bombed Armin’. The logistics were beyond him, he had only known ants liked jam, and he had plenty of jam to offer. It was very Eren-esque, to believe every problem had such a simple solution. Then again, everyday problems probably did seem very minor to him, in comparison to his own.

 “Actually, my ever helpful companion, I do _not_ still need that.” Eren snarked. “Or this.” He reached for a research paper and promptly ripped it down the middle, “Or this.” another paper was shred between his fingers, “Or-” a particularly hefty stack of stapled paper refused to be vandalized so he decided he’d made his point. “Well, any of this. I’m done. Quitting. Saying see ya later… to education.”

Armin stared at him blankly for a moment before responding,

 “Later and education don’t rhyme, stop trying to be clever.”

           -      -      -      -      -      -      -      -      -      -      -      -      -      -      -      -      -      -      -    

The plan was first decided at lunch that day. It had to be sooner rather than later because the concept had been buzzing around like a trapped insect at the corners of Eren’s mind for an outrageously long time now. He was spontaneous by nature, but a rash decision like this couldn’t be committed to on a whim- which was why he had gathered his chosen group of friends around to pre-warn them, and offer them a chance to join him on his latest endeavour.

There was a possibility it never would have gotten this far, maybe never even have crawled from the depths of Eren’s brain, in to the real world, without Armin’s support. After listening quietly to Eren pour out his thoughts in half rambling, half coherent streams of speech, he had simply wiped a stray tear from his cheek and nodded in that resolute way that spoke more for his love than words were capable of. Armin, so committed to his academics, on the fast track to an enriching, successful life had agreed without hesitance to take a whole year out just to watch his best friend rise and crash like a great looming wave that would inevitably destroy those lingering in the surf.

“Why Arm? Why the fuck would you do that to yourself?” Eren demanded, fists balled up and teeth gritted.

Armin tucked a lock of blonde hair neatly behind his ear and with an unobstructed view of his eyes, Eren could see they were flooding with water, thin trails of tears falling down his face.

“Don’t you ever ask me again why I would give up a year of my life to cram in as many moments with you as possible. Don’t you _dare_. It’s not _fucking fair,_ that’s why.” He sucked in a choked breath.

“It’s not fair that out of every person who could’ve been gone to soon, the world decided that we only got a few years of Eren Jaeger and his shitty jokes, and his bad attitude, and his fucking stupid shit eating grin…and his, his way of making you feel like you matter when everything is messed up. Who the fuck is calling the shots there? What kind of sadist _asshole? Tell me!_ ”

He scrunched his eyes shut, breathing in heaving, pathetic whimpers that could only be grief.

“My mother, before she died, she used to say that ‘the brightest stars burn the quickest, but are the most beautiful.’”

Eren watched with wide, agonised eyes.

“And you, you burn so fucking brightly that everybody thinks you’re the sun.”

A vision of Marco, long since buried, slipped in to his thoughts. Perhaps it was true. Marco had been a super nova, it only made sense that he would have shone so stunningly, with his other worldly brilliance, and then he would have almost no time in him at all.

Armin slumped against him, still sniffling, and Eren wrapped his arms around his shaking frame.

If he was to be a brief, bright light, then he would shine so radiantly that his image would be burned in to the memories of his loved ones for as long as they lived. He would be there, clear as day, vivid as in life, smiling the same old lopsided smile, and they could have peace in knowing he was never truly gone. He’d just found a new home inside of them when he’d gotten too lonely floating in space.

                -      -      -      -      -      -      -      -      -      -      -      -      -      -      -      -      -      -      -    

“So that makes nine of us in total. Do you reckon that’s enough for our own private tour?”

Connie’s question was met with clueless expressions pressing him to rub his bald head in exasperation.

“Ok, who’s booking it? They should have all the answers.”

Krista shuffled towards Connie’s seat on the bed with a slightly raised hand. Somehow they’d all crammed in to Jean’s dorm room (it was the biggest in an irritating turn of events) to finalise their plan and book the gap year. It was a tight squeeze, but they’d managed.

“Umm, that would…be me.” The dainty blond offered with a wan smile. “Would you all like a rundown of the specifics?”

Nods of affirmation all round.

“Ah, okay. Well, we travel to twelve different countries, one for each month. It’s mostly aeroplane travel but there are a few other modes of transport thrown in. There are three guides because, for our catered package-”

“Hope they’re hot chicks!” Connie cut in, before blanching at Ymir’s scathing look. Krista continued.

“So, as I was saying: due to our catered package we have to have at least one guide per three people and there are nine of us, hence the three guides. We’ll meet up with them at the airport before our first flight. From there on out all we need to keep a hold of are our tickets and luggage. The hotels and activities are pre-booked by the company.”

She gave one last shy nod before retreating back to Ymir’s lap.

“Any objections?” Connie queried. A general negative was deduced.

“Okay then. Confirm the booking!”

Jean, finally in his element, whooped in excitement and popped open a bottle of champagne with far too much flourish for the occasion. The foam fountained in to the air, soaking the now squealing group, bursting with laughter. Sasha whisked the cover from their own mini buffet and paused only for a moment to lift her champagne flute in her outstretched hand. Mikasa followed suit, then Armin, followed by Ymir, Krista, Connie and Jean. From the corner of the room Annie slowly rose and raised her glass too, shocking Eren so much his jaw dropped.

“To Jaeger” She smirked, then, tone more subdued “And to making the last year of his life, the best one.”

“To Jaeger!” The group chorused, the uproar thick with emotion.

Eren swiped furiously beneath his eyes.

“To Marco” he whispered, pinging his own glass.

“For always letting me win.”

Because surely, even with his ailments, right here and now- Eren was a winner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updates weekly from now on!


	3. The Love of a Mother Is Like No Other

The day had arrived much more quickly than Eren would have preferred. When the months seemed to skip by, he was reminded of the fact that they were limited, fragile things- and he had to coddle them like children lest they manage to escape him somehow.

The constant, methodical ticking of his alarm clock highlighted each second being subtracted from his life span, and sometimes when he was feeling miserable and hopeless he’d count them down and imagine that when he got to zero he would finally cease to be. Preparation, he had named this mental process, and decided to keep it a secret.

His travel bag sat stuffed full at his bedside. To fully experience travelling, the tour website had said, you needed to take the bare minimum. His near to bursting backpack would beg to differ, but in Eren’s opinion, a backpack w _as_ the bare minimum, no matter how crammed.

“Eren! C’mon, the van is outside.”

Grisha had been the one to wake him this morning, the one to help him pack, and now the one to call him down. His Mama had refused to partake in any of it, heartbroken.

‘How can you do this Eren? You’re already leaving too early, and now you want to take another year from our time together? It’s selfish. My baby boy’s so selfish.’

He knows she doesn’t mean to _say_ it; but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t _mean_ it. The words she spills are the ones tucked away deep in her consciousness. Maybe she doesn’t even know they’re true. There’s no mistaking the look in her eyes though, The Jaeger Fury burning out of control. Those words sting more than anything, because he probably _is_ being selfish in a way.

Who can blame him if he doesn’t want his Mama to watch him die?

‘Coming Papa!’ He hollers down the stairs, swinging on his rucksack.

She’s waiting for him by the door, tan skin paled and fingers curled. Her hair is a tangled mess from a night spent tossing and turning. She reaches out for him, burying her face in his chest and inhaling.

‘I love you baby. I love you more than I think you can even imagine. More than you’ll ever know.’

Eren wishes he had appreciated all she’d done for him much longer ago.

His Mama had always kept him close, within her hold and smothered in layer upon layer of her love. With the knowledge of Eren’s condition, no one blamed her. For a mother to see an expiry date stamped on their child was one of the most heart-breaking miseries the world had to offer. Even Eren was aware of that. He thinks, that when he’s gone, a part of her will go with him.

She’d often sit at night with him curled up in her arms like a kitten. The air would be filled with the muffled laugh tracks of re-runs playing in the background from their box tv, the scent of leftover takeaway lingering but overwhelmed by the floral notes of her favourite perfume. They would cuddle together on their time bruised, patterned arm chair, bathed in soft yellow lamp light, and she would tell him all the reasons that he shouldn’t be afraid.

“When little boys, go to heaven…their Mama’s send a piece of their own hearts too. So remember, when you see all of the white lights and you’re feeling scared or alone, I’ll be right with you, holding your hand.”

Eren wove his tiny fingers with her own.

“And you can keep that part of me safe until I see you again, okay?”

 The love of a mother is like no other. That’s what the nurses would tell him again and again. When he toddled in, with new comics, handfuls of sweets, surprise shiny light up sketchers. When he’d be stuck in a hospital bed in the early hours of the morning, his Mama crooning lullabies and stroking the top of his head with a soft touch. When he’d spill his drink all over her new dress, and she’d laugh and hold him close and tell him he was such a clumsy boy and that he was lucky he could always fall in to her arms.

The nurses had known something he hadn’t even began to understand until he grew older.

‘I’ve spent all these years just praying- praying to a god I don’t even believe in that you would outlive me. That you could blub like a baby at my funeral, like the snot nosed little drama queen that you are. That I could wait for you on the other side. Me and your Papa watching you and laughing every day because god knows you won’t grow out of being an idiot- and I won’t stop now. So don’t give up hope, because I’ll keep praying until there’s nothing left to pray for.’

And what then? He wonders.

‘I’ll see you when you get back honey.’

She presses her lips to his forehead and remains there for a moment.

‘Do you promise me you won’t leave without saying goodbye?’

Eren nods, knowing that she isn’t talking about his trip.

‘I promise.’

 -      -      -      -      -      -      -      -      -      -      -      -      -      -      -      -      -      -      -   

The airport is crowded in the most exhilarating way. No one really stops to look at anything, their vision narrowed on the large black screen dictating boarding times and the neon red ‘fuck you’ of the word DEPARTED, otherwise known as ‘you’ve missed your flight! Have a nice day’. No one who’s missed their flight is having a nice day. Period.

“I don’t understand how people believe you're human.’ Jean is grunting at a smirking Annie. “Like, our first destination is literally Cyprus! Why the fuck are you wearing gloves?” Annie predictably shrugs.

“I get cold.”

Jean throws his arms in the air, braying like a donkey as Armin attempts to calm him down. Annie’s gaze slides over to him.

“What’s the plan then, Jaeger?”

She nails him with a look that implies she’s highly doubtful he has a plan. She would be right, of course, because Mikasa comes up with the plans, and she’s currently headed to the bathroom with Ymir and Krista. Something to do with setting her makeup that Ymir had snorted rudely at.

“I guess we could, uh…look for the guides? They said they would meet us here but they didn’t give much detail as to exactly where…. here. Like where, in here, not like-”

“Yeah I got it the first time, Jaeger. Now shut up.”

Cool. He’s off to a good start. Annie’s hiding a small smile behind her hand though, so he’s confident she can’t be all that mad.

“Guys!” Krista waves from the other side of the airport. “We found them!”

Connie and Sasha share a puzzled look. “Found who?” Connie yells. “Found food?” Sasha adds, tongue lolling out in anticipation.

Krista rolls her eyes, barely noticeable from the distance, and Eren likes to believe it’s in fond exasperation. Ymir sidles up beside her and props her chin on her girlfriend’s head.

“The guides you fuckwits!” She all but screams, startling many of the horrified travellers in her vicinity who shoot her offended scowls. “Yeah” she jeers, “and you’re all fuckwits too.” Krista quickly covers her mouth and ushers them all over before disappearing with her child- uh- girlfriend in tow. Connie’s laughter makes Eren feel less guilty for being entertained.

“Do you really think she’s found them?” Jean queries, one eyebrow raised. “Krista can be a bit ditzy at times. I wouldn’t be surprised if they’re just three random dudes hoping to get some.”

Armin slaps a hand on his shoulder a little too hard to be one hundred percent joking. “The dumb blond in our group is _you_ , Jean-bo.” Fuck, why hadn’t he thought of that one?

Eren sidles up next to him whilst they’re walking and high-five’s him in appreciation. He would’ve left it there but Armin’s grin is mischievously wide so Eren shoots him a confused glance, asking with his eyes alone what’s got him so entertained.

“It wasn’t that funny dude.” He scoffs. “Like, good one and all, but your standards are way too low if you’re _that_ proud.”

Armin shakes his head, straight blond mop swaying with the motion. His sight is locked on three unfamiliar figures ahead of them. Eren allows himself a moment to take them in before turning back to his best friend.

“Jesus fucking Christ.” He swallows.

Sasha steps back, throwing an arm over his shoulders.

“I second that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this was mostly Eren and his Mother but I really want to build up his character and his familial life is vital in that. He's a complex boy y'know. Next chapter we are introduced to our three lovely guides- any guesses? And what is everyone blaspheming about? OH NO, THEY'RE HOT. Anyways, please leave me some feedback because it took 99% of my willpower to write this and I'd love the motivation to write some more!! Comments rock my wooooorld<3 Kudos rock my world a little less but I LOVE THEM ALSO. Thanks my dudes.


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